Starting to Feel the Pressure

Hey guys, I am starting to panic over my final exam project because it's not going at the pace that I'd like. I can't seem to find things that I need to improve it. Anyway, I must turn it in next friday morning, really early in the morning.

Needless to say I hate deadlines. They're one of the down sides of being a designer. Not only you have to be creative and make stuff, but you need to do it on a schedule.

However, I did say earlier that I was going to do my best. I know from the feedback that I got from my teacher that I am on the right track, so that means I'm half-way approved. Now I just need to finish it, and I'll be ok.

It sounds simpler than it really is. Bummer. This is when I have to go Nike on myself and say "Just Do It!" It doesn't have to be perfect. In fact, I know it won't be perfect. Yeah, exactly, I have to stop fretting and go back to work.

XOXO

C.

Etiquetas: Final exam,fretting,deadlines,design

I Forgive Myself

What an emotional roller-coaster. Today I am decided to be on the higher end of the loops. I stumbled on a few helpful articles on self-esteem and mood-boosting.

I forgive myself for being so negative these last few days. I am going to have a happy day for a change. That means no self-defeating thoughts, no depressing thoughts, no half-empty thoughts.

Right now I am listening to uplifting music, while sitting in an upright position. I already feel better.

I didn't get much done on my final exam project yesterday though, so I am going to get it together today and do my best.

I promise to tell you more about me within the next few weeks, right now I have to go see about a project. Have a happy day!!

XOXO

Hopeless Romantic

Today Amelie was on tv. It's that french film about a girl who grows up in a dysfunctional family and becomes an estranged person. I think I said that right... sorry if I didn't. English is not my native language.

Anyway, that's just most of the film, by the end she realizes  that she has to interact with other people and take chances because they may never come her way ever again.

I really liked this film, only I would have liked it even better if I didn't hurt so much inside. I'm a bit skeptical about love these days. And particularly skeptical about men.

I recently confronted a friend of mine (a guy) on why he doesn't say anything to his cousin who's cheating on his girlfriend. He keeps hangin' out with the guy scared to death of ending up alone if he gives his cousin a little hell for being a pig. That's just not right.

"I've lost faith in men", I told him. Sometimes I don't even know what to be sad about. When I spend time around steady couples and it's obvious they don't have this rose-coloured relationships, sometimes they're very far from it, I think to myself: Is this what I am missing?

Being single is sometimes synonimous with loneliness, but I sure am glad to be free when I spend a little time with not so happy couples. I do get skeptical. I wonder what Branjolina's life is like LOL. They are so sexy, so rich, they're married and have many babies. I wonder if they ever have any misunderstandings, drama, communication issues, etc.

What about my parents, you are probably wondering. Weren't they a nice model of a loving, steady relationship? Yes and no. For a while they were, especially my dad. He was very much in love with my mom until he got tired of my mom's coldness and found someone else. He did go steady with the new woman. I was a late teenager when all this happened so it wasn't so bad for me. But it hurt anyway, of course.

I feel like I'm at a turning point here. Because of my age, I either keep trying to give love a chance, or I might as well forget it. And if I choose the second option, I feel like I might end up an estranged, aloof, and bitter spinster. Yeah, it's a lot like the ultimatum Amelie gets in the movie. I am on the fence here. I'd love to find someone to start a long term relationship with, only I am not looking forward to the lies, the cheating, the drama, and realizing it's not going to work out. I wish we could all fall in love with the right person...

Anyway, I should be busy finishing my final exam project for this semester, so... thanks for hearing me out.

XOXO

 

Etiquetas: Hopeless romantic,melancholic,diary,Amelie,being single,lovesick,love,loneliness,lonely,skeptical,spinster

Truth Is...

Truth is I am lonely. I am reaching out to the world right now, hoping that a little writing will make me feel better. Truth is if I was very happy right now, I wouldn't be writing because I'd be too busy living.

That's right. I don't have much of a life at the moment. You guessed it: I'm single, and yes, I miss my ex. What a loser? Wow don't be too quick at judging. Hear me out first, then we'll see.

I'm a 29 year-old woman on therapy for childhood sexual abuse. I am learning that life can be better and happier. I am learning to love myself day by day.

My mind is all over the place today, so pardon me for not making much sense. I don't know where to start. I promise to be honest. My life is not a model life, but I try to be a good person. Yeah I know, I sound pretty boring so far.

I'd love to find love again, it's so funny. All the therapysts I've had describe me as a lovable person. A good person who deserves good things. And I do get asked out. I just don't fancy the guys who want to go out with me. Yes, that's right, it's partly because I miss my last boyfriend. I'm lovesick. I dream of him calling me again or trying to find me again and apologizing for how he treated me.

I know, I know, that's never going to happen. He's probably moved on by now and doesn't even remember my name. Yeah, I'm not doing a very good job at proving I may not be  a loser. Anyway, as you can see I am scared to death of being hurt again. And fear is the mother of not moving on.

I will stop right here because my mind is moving faster than my typing fingers. I am beautiful in my own way. I am beautiful no matter what you say.

 

Etiquetas: diary,lovesick,abuse,being single,therapy,loser,beautiful